that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
