dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
