mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
