So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
