Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
