How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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