it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
