I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
