when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
