its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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