Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
