and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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