oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
