Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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