we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
