just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
