He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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