i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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