you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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