Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
