I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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