dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
