yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
