I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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