Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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