Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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