I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
