You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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