I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
