I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
