I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
