How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
