I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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