really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
