i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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