smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
