idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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