Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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