And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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