i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
