if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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