I wish I only lived at night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize