She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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