By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
