Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
