he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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