Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize