hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
