i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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