I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I want is dick and wine.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
