There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
