if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
