Your dad touched me again.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
