How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
