Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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