Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
