Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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